Sunday, September 23, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
"Sushi For One" Release sparks Awesome CONTEST -- Win an iPOD!
Camy Tang's first book, Sushi for One, just came out. To celebrate (and to generate interest in the book) she is hostessing an awesome contest. The grand prize, first place winner, will receive an 8 GB iPod! Plus a lot of books (I didn't count them all ...)
For more information, and to enter, go here:
http://www.camytang.com/contest.html
You will need two things
- you'll need my email address to put in the contest entry form -- SuseADoodle at gmail.com. Please be sure to use that, okay?
- a Yahoo ID so you can join her Yahoo Group, Camy's Loft. And you will WANT to join her Yahoo group because every week she gives away books!
An author who whole-heartedly believes writers are readers too!
The contest runs till October 31, 2007.
The book sounds like a wonderful read. It is on my list of "GET THIS SOON!" Books and I've scheduled an afternoon to read it cover-to-cover. Want to know a little more about it? Check out:
http://christianfictionblogalliance.blogspot.com/2007/09/sushi-for-one-by-camy-tang.html
or
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0310273986
or
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=273981&netp_id=479128&event=ESRCN&item_code=WW
Saturday, September 15, 2007
FAIR TRADE CHOCOLATE EVENT
Who doesn't like chocolate? There are very few people who don't. (They were probably given chocolate as a kid but were told it was calves' liver or something like that.)
Did you know that about half of the world's chocolate is produced with slave labor? For more information, visit http://www.stopthetraffik.org/.
If you like to cook and would like to win a goodie bag of Traffik-Free Chocolate, stop over here: http://rkhooks.net/2007/09/03/stop-the-traffik-chocolate-event/
If you participate, stop back here.
In the comments section leave your name and the url to your blog post that you use to enter r k hooks' event, using Traffik-Free Chocolate.
I'll be posting this info about the event at each of my blogs. Feel free to leave your comment and link at each one. (One comment entry per blog please, though.) From all of the comments posted, there will be a random drawing and I'll send out a chocolate-related thank you to three winners.
Did you know that about half of the world's chocolate is produced with slave labor? For more information, visit http://www.stopthetraffik.org/.
If you like to cook and would like to win a goodie bag of Traffik-Free Chocolate, stop over here: http://rkhooks.net/2007/09/03/stop-the-traffik-chocolate-event/
If you participate, stop back here.
In the comments section leave your name and the url to your blog post that you use to enter r k hooks' event, using Traffik-Free Chocolate.
I'll be posting this info about the event at each of my blogs. Feel free to leave your comment and link at each one. (One comment entry per blog please, though.) From all of the comments posted, there will be a random drawing and I'll send out a chocolate-related thank you to three winners.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
TALENTED? You bet!
At all my other blogs, I'm telling everyone to go here to see this video:
http://loopdeloops.blogspot.com/2007/09/dreams-can-come-true.html
Kay has an awesome playlist of songs at that page, as well as this pretty amazing video. So stop by there sometime ...
However, this is where she found the video:
http://allthings2all.blogspot.com/2007/09/when-gift-speaks-for-itself.html
And this blogger has some interesting comments about it. Now go on over there and watch the video and read those comments. Then come on back, okay?
You did go, right?
Okay, I'd heard about this guy on the radio, had heard an excerpt of him singing. But was really unprepared for the effect seeing this guy follow his dream would have on me.
This guy is becoming somewhat of a folk hero. I think that is great.
But, it isn't important to get a lot of applause or to win a contest or to even become a hero. What is important is realizing you have a dream. You have talent(s). You have been given a gift.
Embrace it. Follow it. PLEASE, share it!
http://loopdeloops.blogspot.com/2007/09/dreams-can-come-true.html
Kay has an awesome playlist of songs at that page, as well as this pretty amazing video. So stop by there sometime ...
However, this is where she found the video:
http://allthings2all.blogspot.com/2007/09/when-gift-speaks-for-itself.html
And this blogger has some interesting comments about it. Now go on over there and watch the video and read those comments. Then come on back, okay?
You did go, right?
Okay, I'd heard about this guy on the radio, had heard an excerpt of him singing. But was really unprepared for the effect seeing this guy follow his dream would have on me.
This guy is becoming somewhat of a folk hero. I think that is great.
But, it isn't important to get a lot of applause or to win a contest or to even become a hero. What is important is realizing you have a dream. You have talent(s). You have been given a gift.
Embrace it. Follow it. PLEASE, share it!
Monday, September 3, 2007
"My Blog Lesson For Today" Continues, part two ...
It has been over a week since I asked "What is wrong with me?"
(You can read that post here: http://suseadoodle-pms.blogspot.com/2007/08/my-blog-lesson-for-today.html and then the continuation here: http://suseadoodle-pms.blogspot.com/2007/08/my-blog-lesson-for-today-continues.html )
I intended to post the continuation of my thoughts on the issue a lot sooner than this. But ...
Don't know how I could have forgotten. I know it far better than I know the freckles on the back of my hand. Remember the old ads that said "When E. F. Hutton talks, everyone listens."? Well, I learned quite a while ago that when I ask questions, God listens! And then answers those questions.
Did I really want an answer?
Yes.
And God has been sending answers to me. :-)
He is showing (not just telling) me that He really is my Best Friend. He has been sending me to new blogs and posts that somehow deal with the issue of trusting Him. He has been finding books for me to read: novels by godly authors (if you're really bored enough to read any more by me, here's my blogged lament on what I find on the shelves of the bookstores: http://suseadoodle-pms.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-love-to-read-but.html) that deal with issues of trust and / or friendship in ways that illustrate God's faithfulness and why we can trust Him. E-mailed newsletters showed up with reports or stories that fit the question quite well. He sent music my way to listen to that really lifted me. (Okay, you'll find that here: http://www.shoutlife.com/shennethcanegata -- and the song "Stand and Live." This was a "gift" I found from reading Marilynn Griffith's blog at: http://marilynngriffith.typepad.com/rhythmsofgrace/ It was in the archives -- keep reading back and back and back ... it's worth every click LOL) And three of the WIP vying for my attention have all taken on the issue, this week, in ways that reach out to me like fingers massaging a headache or brushing hair out of my eyes.
Okay, I had made a comment that the concept of prayer as a "conversation" is a little difficult to imagine (and I have a very vivid imagination) because I like to have the audible response at the other end -- like the phone conversations mom and I used to have. Well, while His voice isn't audible in this "conversation," He sure is sending His message to me.
Discovered some of what I am afraid of. And now He decides to answer the next question even before it's asked -- why it happens and why I shouldn't be afraid of it. He's kept me "busy" this week. But it was one of the best weeks I've have in a long time. Best friends have a way of having that effect in our lives.
:-)
(You can read that post here: http://suseadoodle-pms.blogspot.com/2007/08/my-blog-lesson-for-today.html and then the continuation here: http://suseadoodle-pms.blogspot.com/2007/08/my-blog-lesson-for-today-continues.html )
I intended to post the continuation of my thoughts on the issue a lot sooner than this. But ...
Don't know how I could have forgotten. I know it far better than I know the freckles on the back of my hand. Remember the old ads that said "When E. F. Hutton talks, everyone listens."? Well, I learned quite a while ago that when I ask questions, God listens! And then answers those questions.
Did I really want an answer?
Yes.
And God has been sending answers to me. :-)
He is showing (not just telling) me that He really is my Best Friend. He has been sending me to new blogs and posts that somehow deal with the issue of trusting Him. He has been finding books for me to read: novels by godly authors (if you're really bored enough to read any more by me, here's my blogged lament on what I find on the shelves of the bookstores: http://suseadoodle-pms.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-love-to-read-but.html) that deal with issues of trust and / or friendship in ways that illustrate God's faithfulness and why we can trust Him. E-mailed newsletters showed up with reports or stories that fit the question quite well. He sent music my way to listen to that really lifted me. (Okay, you'll find that here: http://www.shoutlife.com/shennethcanegata -- and the song "Stand and Live." This was a "gift" I found from reading Marilynn Griffith's blog at: http://marilynngriffith.typepad.com/rhythmsofgrace/ It was in the archives -- keep reading back and back and back ... it's worth every click LOL) And three of the WIP vying for my attention have all taken on the issue, this week, in ways that reach out to me like fingers massaging a headache or brushing hair out of my eyes.
Okay, I had made a comment that the concept of prayer as a "conversation" is a little difficult to imagine (and I have a very vivid imagination) because I like to have the audible response at the other end -- like the phone conversations mom and I used to have. Well, while His voice isn't audible in this "conversation," He sure is sending His message to me.
Discovered some of what I am afraid of. And now He decides to answer the next question even before it's asked -- why it happens and why I shouldn't be afraid of it. He's kept me "busy" this week. But it was one of the best weeks I've have in a long time. Best friends have a way of having that effect in our lives.
:-)
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
"My Blog Lesson For Today" Continues
I received a very wonderful comment/reply to the last post "My Blog Lesson For Today." In fact, I posted that entry at two of my blogs and got wonderful, thoughtful replies at both of them. "Ain't God grand?"
I found that replying to the commenters was getting to be very long, and I hadn't even gotten into what either one had said yet. So, I decided to continue blogging the topic for a few more entries. Here's "Part One: The Continuing Blog Lesson:"
Hi, Heather.
First off, Yes, you could (note, I did not say "should," though) very easily have your own blog. You write very well; get your point across well and clearly.
Blogging is a matter of "bravery" -- though, at first, when I knew no one was reading them, it was easy. Then I began to think about when someone might start to read it and almost stopped. And scarier still, since I have at least one of my blogs in the signature line of the e-mail account I use most often, sooner or later FAMILY might stumble on to it.
It makes me self-edit a little more, that's all. :-)
Thank you for the wonderful reply comment to my post on "My Blog Lesson For Today." As I wrote it, I was just trying to get the things I had been thinking about lately into some kind of orderly presentation. Mostly for my own good -- to have it "on paper" and in front of me.
When I needed to understand something, even when it came to school work, I often explained them to my mom. She would listen, ask questions that showed she had really paid attention. Even when it was a subject I know she had absolutely no interest in. Mom was wonderful that way. I thought I was unique in telling mom these kinds of things, but at her funeral last year, my brother made the same comment about how mom listened to anything he told her as if it was the most fascinating subject in the world to her, too, not just him. Since mom died, of leukemia, a little over a year ago, I haven't had my wonderful audience that listened and gave appropriate, and usually affirming, feedback.
It's the stupid, little comments that come out once in a while that are sometimes the most profound.
And while mom was sick, I tried to give her a card everyday. One day I wrote in it, "God loves you as much as we do." She had smiled so sweetly at that. I then verbally added, "He loves you even more than we do." Her smile got bigger. But it hit me hard. He DOES love us even more than we love one another. DUH! It's so obvious, once I saw it, but somehow "God is Love" just didn't seem so big, huge and awesome before that. "God is Love" means "God Loves!"
I write out a lot of what I would have been talking about with mom in our daily phone conversations. Some of it may be a little more self-revealing than perhaps I would usually make public, but if it seems to have a truth in it that someone else could benefit from, I'll throw into a blog. This one, "My Blog Lesson ...", actually went into two of them.
God loves me in a BIG way. And He wants me to be His friend and He wants to be my friend. WOW! And, He is showing me, that prayer is not the formula I learned in Sunday School (confession followed by praise followed by supplication followed by thanksgiving followed by more praise) - it is talking to Him as if I was on the phone with mom or one of my friends. He'll listen. He'll even help me clarify my thinking about an issue, a project, a subject I don't understand. The help may not be as audible as mom's voice at the other end of the phone line. But it is just as real and even better.
Mom and I used to chit chat as well as talk about things that were happening or what plans we had for the coming week. My friends and I talk about just about any subject that pops into our heads -- kind of a stream of consciousness thing, letting one subject blend into another because some word one of us said reminds of something we read or heard recently which in turn reminds one of us of a book we read way back in high school and on and on it goes.
Having a "conversation" with God -- well, I guess I got sort of hung up in the fact He generally does not audibly talk back right away. Prayer was work and not fun in the past. I'm learning I can sit down and say, "You know that story idea that seemed to pop into my head from no where the other day, what do You think? Should I run with it or run from it?" Or I can just say, "Did You see that lightening last night? WOW! What a sight; I got some awesome photos of it all. I'm glad it wasn't here, but I sure feel bad for the people that storm stalled over, though -- five hours of rain and thunder. Must have been hard to sleep through all that." Sure, I know He saw the lightening. And I know some of the people in the church where I grew up would be very aghast that anyone would talk to God in such a casual way. But, if He really is my FRIEND, then ceremony and pomp are not necessary.
Paul writes that because we have so great a High Priest, who is our mediator, that we should "come BOLDLY then to the throne of grace." Perhaps, not as casually as I do -- but I know one thing:
The story of Queen Esther teaches me about God's love for me. When Esther went to the king, it was not easy to do. It meant travelling by chariot or slave-carried litter from her Queen's palace, miles away (but within the same palace grounds), walking up a long corridor of relief sculptures all designed to prove how great and powerful the king was and how insignificant the guest was, then enter the throne room through big, huge, heavy double doors twenty or thirty feet tall (I don't remember the exact details from the Art History course I had). On top of that, it was illegal to enter the throne room unless sent for. To enter was a death sentence.
It is a symbol of the Holy of Holies of the Jewish Tabernacle, or later the Temple. And it was punishable by death to enter there if you were not the one who was allowed to enter, and only after certain preparations were made.
However, the King loved his wife so much that he immediately held out his scepter to her to indicate his approval of her presence there.
God loves us more than any person can love another person. He extends His scepter to us every time. He welcomes us, hears us and smiles on us for coming.
I found that replying to the commenters was getting to be very long, and I hadn't even gotten into what either one had said yet. So, I decided to continue blogging the topic for a few more entries. Here's "Part One: The Continuing Blog Lesson:"
Hi, Heather.
First off, Yes, you could (note, I did not say "should," though) very easily have your own blog. You write very well; get your point across well and clearly.
Blogging is a matter of "bravery" -- though, at first, when I knew no one was reading them, it was easy. Then I began to think about when someone might start to read it and almost stopped. And scarier still, since I have at least one of my blogs in the signature line of the e-mail account I use most often, sooner or later FAMILY might stumble on to it.
It makes me self-edit a little more, that's all. :-)
Thank you for the wonderful reply comment to my post on "My Blog Lesson For Today." As I wrote it, I was just trying to get the things I had been thinking about lately into some kind of orderly presentation. Mostly for my own good -- to have it "on paper" and in front of me.
When I needed to understand something, even when it came to school work, I often explained them to my mom. She would listen, ask questions that showed she had really paid attention. Even when it was a subject I know she had absolutely no interest in. Mom was wonderful that way. I thought I was unique in telling mom these kinds of things, but at her funeral last year, my brother made the same comment about how mom listened to anything he told her as if it was the most fascinating subject in the world to her, too, not just him. Since mom died, of leukemia, a little over a year ago, I haven't had my wonderful audience that listened and gave appropriate, and usually affirming, feedback.
It's the stupid, little comments that come out once in a while that are sometimes the most profound.
And while mom was sick, I tried to give her a card everyday. One day I wrote in it, "God loves you as much as we do." She had smiled so sweetly at that. I then verbally added, "He loves you even more than we do." Her smile got bigger. But it hit me hard. He DOES love us even more than we love one another. DUH! It's so obvious, once I saw it, but somehow "God is Love" just didn't seem so big, huge and awesome before that. "God is Love" means "God Loves!"
I write out a lot of what I would have been talking about with mom in our daily phone conversations. Some of it may be a little more self-revealing than perhaps I would usually make public, but if it seems to have a truth in it that someone else could benefit from, I'll throw into a blog. This one, "My Blog Lesson ...", actually went into two of them.
God loves me in a BIG way. And He wants me to be His friend and He wants to be my friend. WOW! And, He is showing me, that prayer is not the formula I learned in Sunday School (confession followed by praise followed by supplication followed by thanksgiving followed by more praise) - it is talking to Him as if I was on the phone with mom or one of my friends. He'll listen. He'll even help me clarify my thinking about an issue, a project, a subject I don't understand. The help may not be as audible as mom's voice at the other end of the phone line. But it is just as real and even better.
Mom and I used to chit chat as well as talk about things that were happening or what plans we had for the coming week. My friends and I talk about just about any subject that pops into our heads -- kind of a stream of consciousness thing, letting one subject blend into another because some word one of us said reminds of something we read or heard recently which in turn reminds one of us of a book we read way back in high school and on and on it goes.
Having a "conversation" with God -- well, I guess I got sort of hung up in the fact He generally does not audibly talk back right away. Prayer was work and not fun in the past. I'm learning I can sit down and say, "You know that story idea that seemed to pop into my head from no where the other day, what do You think? Should I run with it or run from it?" Or I can just say, "Did You see that lightening last night? WOW! What a sight; I got some awesome photos of it all. I'm glad it wasn't here, but I sure feel bad for the people that storm stalled over, though -- five hours of rain and thunder. Must have been hard to sleep through all that." Sure, I know He saw the lightening. And I know some of the people in the church where I grew up would be very aghast that anyone would talk to God in such a casual way. But, if He really is my FRIEND, then ceremony and pomp are not necessary.
Paul writes that because we have so great a High Priest, who is our mediator, that we should "come BOLDLY then to the throne of grace." Perhaps, not as casually as I do -- but I know one thing:
The story of Queen Esther teaches me about God's love for me. When Esther went to the king, it was not easy to do. It meant travelling by chariot or slave-carried litter from her Queen's palace, miles away (but within the same palace grounds), walking up a long corridor of relief sculptures all designed to prove how great and powerful the king was and how insignificant the guest was, then enter the throne room through big, huge, heavy double doors twenty or thirty feet tall (I don't remember the exact details from the Art History course I had). On top of that, it was illegal to enter the throne room unless sent for. To enter was a death sentence.
It is a symbol of the Holy of Holies of the Jewish Tabernacle, or later the Temple. And it was punishable by death to enter there if you were not the one who was allowed to enter, and only after certain preparations were made.
However, the King loved his wife so much that he immediately held out his scepter to her to indicate his approval of her presence there.
God loves us more than any person can love another person. He extends His scepter to us every time. He welcomes us, hears us and smiles on us for coming.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Blogdom Lesson for Today
**sigh**
Ever since I discovered a certain three blogs, I log on to the Net just about every day just so I can check in with those ladies, hoping they have posted something new.
Sadly, I regret to admit -- I am not that regular, or eager, to check in daily with the one friend I have who is the best friend I'll ever have. This friend will never, ever blab my secrets to anyone else. This friend will never, ever abandon me when I am depressed, grouchy, whiny, have a stuffy runny nose, feel bloated and feeling ugly and maybe even acting a bit ugly. This friend will never, ever leave me to fend for myself, even when I've gotten myself into the mess by my own stupid actions or decisions. This friend is rich -- far richer than even Bill Gates. This friend is powerful -- far more powerful than OPEC or NATO (combined). This friend is important -- far more important than any head of state, even the Queen of England or the King of Sweden.
Amazingly, this wonderful friend WANTS to be my friend. And even more amazing, to me, wants me to be a friend in return.
I mean, me? I'm not rich, beautiful, important, powerful. I cannot add anything to my friend's treasures or jewels or accomplishments. I'm not someone that anyone important or rich or powerful even takes notice of. I'm just one of the millions of minions that hope to be noticed and maybe get a handshake or a wave from the rich and powerful.
Yet, I have a friend who is rich and powerful.
And, I am not as eager to check in with this friend every day like I am with these interesting bloggers?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No, seriously, what IS wrong with me?
If you had a friend, a best friend, like that, wouldn't you want to spend all of your time with that friend? Wouldn't you want to check in everyday at the very least to have a chat? Wouldn't you be eager to meet up with your friend as often as possible?
If you had a friend who was so much more than you were yet wanted to be your friend, wanted to have you as a friend, AND who never let you feel like you were something less than or inferior to him or her, and never made you feel like a tag-along in their shadow, wouldn't you just be head-over-heels in love with your friend?
So, why am I afraid of my friend?
It can't be that my friend knows all about me. I mean, that's one of the definitions of "friend" -- someone who knows all about you but loves you anyhow.
It can't be that my friend will scold me for staying away so long. Instead, I'll hear "Come on in. I've been hoping you would show up today! Oh, friend, I've missed you! Glad you're here now."
Could it be that it's because I didn't do what I said I wanted to do, but then later changed my mind? I doubt that. I'm pretty sure my friend would say, "Why didn't you come to me for help?" And I would say, "I wasn't sure it was what I really wanted to do after all." "You know, you can always talk these things over with me. I'll gladly listen anytime. I'll even try to point you in the right direction if you'll let me." (My friend isn't pushy.)
Is it because I think I have to change or do certain things so that my friend will keep liking me and keep on wanting to be my friend? Is it because someone else told me I'm not good enough to be friends with my friend?
I honestly don't know what keeps me away.
By now, you've probably figured out who my friend is. The God of the Universe, Jehovah Himself.
He wants to be my friend. He wants me to be His friend.
And, here I am, someone who knows an awful lot about Him but knows Him very little.
I've been working on a novel, based on a scenario of "what might have been if ..." I had made different decisions years ago. And then suddenly I began avoiding working on that story. Not because the actual decisions or consequences or subject matter I chose to be the "hot issue" of the story were troubling or difficult to write about. On the contrary. It was all hitting the computer screen almost too easily.
At first, I said I was not working on the story because I did not like the ending I had concocted and wanted a better one before I went any further. A better ending came a long and still I didn't want to write it down. Back and forth it went. For each excuse, a solution was found; and a new excuse was invented.
Finally, I knew the reason.
And it is not a happy thought.
Even though I made one decision and the character makes the opposite one, the consequences are horrifically different for us -- for her far worse than I ever faced (and I'm happy that "facing" it is just in the form of imagination and fiction for me), in the end, twenty years later, we are not that different. And, here I thought we were different. I thought I had a pretty good life and had grown in my faith. In truth, we both must face similar persistent fears and doubts, face the heartaches that have shaped us and embrace them as important aspects of who we are, and acknowledge the need for a deeper (much deeper) faith.
There is a mad sort of comfort in clinging to a rope that is studded with nails and broken glass that dangles above a black pit of unknown. The nails and glass cut and stab my palms and fingers as I cling to the rope, but the rope is strong and is known; the pain is unbearable but it is far less frightening than the pit below that is unknown, untried, unmapped, uncertain.
Both the character and I have to let go of the rope and fall into the pit. At the bottom, through the darkness, waiting for us is my Friend, who WILL catch me, who WILL hold me, who WILL protect me and love me and yes, I noticed I moved from "us" to "me" -- in the end, that's what the story is about. Her journey is the journey I must take.
Okay, that's why I am avoiding the novel. Is that why I am avoiding meeting with my friend?
It's because I have to let go of the rope and fall ...
Ever since I discovered a certain three blogs, I log on to the Net just about every day just so I can check in with those ladies, hoping they have posted something new.
Sadly, I regret to admit -- I am not that regular, or eager, to check in daily with the one friend I have who is the best friend I'll ever have. This friend will never, ever blab my secrets to anyone else. This friend will never, ever abandon me when I am depressed, grouchy, whiny, have a stuffy runny nose, feel bloated and feeling ugly and maybe even acting a bit ugly. This friend will never, ever leave me to fend for myself, even when I've gotten myself into the mess by my own stupid actions or decisions. This friend is rich -- far richer than even Bill Gates. This friend is powerful -- far more powerful than OPEC or NATO (combined). This friend is important -- far more important than any head of state, even the Queen of England or the King of Sweden.
Amazingly, this wonderful friend WANTS to be my friend. And even more amazing, to me, wants me to be a friend in return.
I mean, me? I'm not rich, beautiful, important, powerful. I cannot add anything to my friend's treasures or jewels or accomplishments. I'm not someone that anyone important or rich or powerful even takes notice of. I'm just one of the millions of minions that hope to be noticed and maybe get a handshake or a wave from the rich and powerful.
Yet, I have a friend who is rich and powerful.
And, I am not as eager to check in with this friend every day like I am with these interesting bloggers?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No, seriously, what IS wrong with me?
If you had a friend, a best friend, like that, wouldn't you want to spend all of your time with that friend? Wouldn't you want to check in everyday at the very least to have a chat? Wouldn't you be eager to meet up with your friend as often as possible?
If you had a friend who was so much more than you were yet wanted to be your friend, wanted to have you as a friend, AND who never let you feel like you were something less than or inferior to him or her, and never made you feel like a tag-along in their shadow, wouldn't you just be head-over-heels in love with your friend?
So, why am I afraid of my friend?
It can't be that my friend knows all about me. I mean, that's one of the definitions of "friend" -- someone who knows all about you but loves you anyhow.
It can't be that my friend will scold me for staying away so long. Instead, I'll hear "Come on in. I've been hoping you would show up today! Oh, friend, I've missed you! Glad you're here now."
Could it be that it's because I didn't do what I said I wanted to do, but then later changed my mind? I doubt that. I'm pretty sure my friend would say, "Why didn't you come to me for help?" And I would say, "I wasn't sure it was what I really wanted to do after all." "You know, you can always talk these things over with me. I'll gladly listen anytime. I'll even try to point you in the right direction if you'll let me." (My friend isn't pushy.)
Is it because I think I have to change or do certain things so that my friend will keep liking me and keep on wanting to be my friend? Is it because someone else told me I'm not good enough to be friends with my friend?
I honestly don't know what keeps me away.
By now, you've probably figured out who my friend is. The God of the Universe, Jehovah Himself.
He wants to be my friend. He wants me to be His friend.
And, here I am, someone who knows an awful lot about Him but knows Him very little.
I've been working on a novel, based on a scenario of "what might have been if ..." I had made different decisions years ago. And then suddenly I began avoiding working on that story. Not because the actual decisions or consequences or subject matter I chose to be the "hot issue" of the story were troubling or difficult to write about. On the contrary. It was all hitting the computer screen almost too easily.
At first, I said I was not working on the story because I did not like the ending I had concocted and wanted a better one before I went any further. A better ending came a long and still I didn't want to write it down. Back and forth it went. For each excuse, a solution was found; and a new excuse was invented.
Finally, I knew the reason.
And it is not a happy thought.
Even though I made one decision and the character makes the opposite one, the consequences are horrifically different for us -- for her far worse than I ever faced (and I'm happy that "facing" it is just in the form of imagination and fiction for me), in the end, twenty years later, we are not that different. And, here I thought we were different. I thought I had a pretty good life and had grown in my faith. In truth, we both must face similar persistent fears and doubts, face the heartaches that have shaped us and embrace them as important aspects of who we are, and acknowledge the need for a deeper (much deeper) faith.
There is a mad sort of comfort in clinging to a rope that is studded with nails and broken glass that dangles above a black pit of unknown. The nails and glass cut and stab my palms and fingers as I cling to the rope, but the rope is strong and is known; the pain is unbearable but it is far less frightening than the pit below that is unknown, untried, unmapped, uncertain.
Both the character and I have to let go of the rope and fall into the pit. At the bottom, through the darkness, waiting for us is my Friend, who WILL catch me, who WILL hold me, who WILL protect me and love me and yes, I noticed I moved from "us" to "me" -- in the end, that's what the story is about. Her journey is the journey I must take.
Okay, that's why I am avoiding the novel. Is that why I am avoiding meeting with my friend?
It's because I have to let go of the rope and fall ...
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